The aftermath of the 'War on Women 2014' finds a new 'Lost Generation' of disillusioned Democrat politicians, unable to cope with life out of office.
Martin O'Malley drops out of race after Iowa Caucus; nation shocked with revelation he has been running for president.
Shocking new book explores pros and cons of socialism, discovers they are same people.
TV horror live: A Charlie Brown Christmas gets shot up on air by Mohammed cartoons.
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Weaponized baby formula threatens Planned Parenthood office; ACLU demands federal investigation of Gerber.
OFA admits its advice for area activists to give Obamacare Talk at shooting ranges was a bad idea.
BREAKING: Secret Service foils Secret Service plot to protect Obama.
Democrats vow to burn the country down over Ted Cruz statement, 'The overwhelming majority of violent criminals are Democrats'.
US media to GOP pool of candidates: 'Knowing what we know now, would you have had anything to do with the founding of the United States?
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Travel advisory: airlines now offering flights to front of TSA line.
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Beverly Hills campaign heats up between Henry Waxman and Marianne Williamson over the widening income gap between millionaires and billionaires in their district.
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Hillary Clinton's memoir and starring Hillary Hellfire as a drinking, whoring Secretary of State, wildly outsells the flabby, sagging original.
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Obama: 'If I had a son.
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DNC launches 'Carlos Danger' action figure; proceeds to fund a charity helping survivors of the Republican War on Women.
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Gloves finally off: Obama uses pen and phone to cancel Putin's Netflix account.
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Democratic Party leaders in panic after recent poll shows most Democratic voters think 'midterm' is when to end pregnancy.
Cuba opens to affordable medical tourism for Americans who can't afford Obamacare deductibles.
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Study: springbreak is to STDs what April 15th is to accountants.
Impressed by Fox News stellar rating during GOP debates, CNN to use same formula on Democrat candidates asking tough, pointed questions about Republicans.
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Efforts to achieve moisture justice for California thwarted by unfair redistribution of snow in America.
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Obama: 'If I had a city, it would look like Ferguson'.
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Iraq after Putin took away his red crayon.
President resolves Obamacare debacle with executive order declaring all Americans equally healthy.
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Desperate Democratic candidates plead with Obama to stop backing them and instead support their GOP opponents.
Jay Carney stuck in line behind Eric Shinseki to leave the White House; estimated wait time from 15 min to 6 weeks.
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Super Bowl: Obama blames Fox News for Broncos' loss.
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GOP primary winner, demands access to White House bathroom.
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Police: If Obama had a convenience store, it would look like Obama Express Food Market.
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America's attempts at peace talks with the White House continue to be met with lies, stalling tactics, and bad faith.
As Obama instructs his administration to get ready for presidential transition, Trump preemptively purchases 'T' keys for White House keyboards.
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Campaign memo typo causes Hillary to court 'New Black Panties' vote.
Bergdahl with only two options: pursue a doctorate at Berkley or become a Senator from Massachusetts.
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Quantum Aggression Particles (Heterons) in Large Hadron Collider.
Citizens of Pluto protest US government's surveillance of their planetoid and its moons with New Horizons space drone.
ISIS opens suicide hotline for US teens depressed by climate change and other progressive doomsday scenarios.
Biden: 'If I had a Ferguson (hic), it would look like a city'.
Central America like all the other kids.
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CIA responds to Democrat calls for transparency by releasing the director's cut of The Making Of Obama's Birth Certificate.
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Statisticians: one out of three Bernie Sanders supporters is just as dumb as the other two.
Kim becomes world leader, feeds uncle to dogs; Obama eats dogs, becomes world leader, America cries uncle.
Jay Carney says he found out that Obama found out that he found out that Obama found out that he found out about the latest Obama administration scandal on the news.
Sharpton calls on white NFL players to beat their women in the interests of racial fairness.
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White House describes attacks on Sony Pictures as 'spontaneous hacking in response to offensive video mocking Juche and its prophet'.
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Che Guevara's son hopes Cuba's communism will rub off on US, proposes a long list of people the government should execute first.
White House: Republican takeover of the Senate is a clear mandate from the American people for President Obama to rule by executive orders.
Hubble discovers planetary drift to the left.
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Voters in line behind her still suspicious, use hand sanitizer.
President Obama honors Leonard Nimoy by taking selfie in front of Starship Enterprise.
Charlie Hebdo receives Islamophobe 2015 award; the cartoonists could not be reached for comment due to their inexplicable, illogical deaths.
Ethicists agree: two wrongs do make a right so long as Bush did it first.
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Washington Redskins drop 'Washington' from their name as offensive to most Americans.
We will bury you by turning more of Eastern Europe over to your control!
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Barack Obama finds out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State.
President George Washington: 'Redcoats do not represent British Empire; King George promotes a distorted version of British colonialism'.
President Obama appoints his weekly approval poll as new national security adviser.
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Progressive scientists: Truth is a variable deduced by subtracting 'what is' from 'what ought to be'.
The 1970s are right here with us, and they're wondering, too.
Ebola infections per each state based on voting preferences.
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US normalization: US tourists flock to see Cuba before it looks like the US and Cubans flock to see the US before it looks like Cuba.
Nurse Kaci Hickox angrily tells reporters that she won't change her clocks for daylight savings time.
Bovine community outraged by flatulence coming from Washington DC.
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Experts debate whether Iranian negotiators broke John Kerry's leg or he did it himself to get out of negotiations.
In effort to contol wild passions for violent jihad, White House urges gun owners to keep their firearms covered in gun burkas.
Hungarian Empire against Russia's aggression in Ukraine.
Study: crony capitalism is to the free market what the Westboro Baptist Church is to Christianity.
National Enquirer: John Kasich's real dad was the milkman, not mailman.
Obama wags pen and phone at Putin; Europe offers support with powerful pens and phones from NATO members.
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Revised 1st Amendment: buy one speech, get the second free.
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College progress enforcement squads issue schematic humor charts so students know if a joke may be spontaneously laughed at or if regulations require other action.
Obama retaliates against Putin by prohibiting unionized federal employees from dating hot Russian girls online during work hours.
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Shocker: Obama had no knowledge he'd been reelected until he read about it in the local newspaper last week.
Obamacare bolsters employment for professionals with skills to convert meth back into sudafed.
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Mandela sign interpreter to help sell Obamacare.
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